Why Leaders Avoid Tough Conversations and What It’s Costing Your Business
Let me say something that might make you uncomfortable:
Most leaders are avoiding the conversations that matter most.
I see it every day in my work coaching executives, managers, and frontline leaders—smart, capable people who stay silent when they need to speak up. Whether it's confronting underperformance, addressing toxic behavior, or delivering hard feedback, too many leaders are choosing comfort over clarity.
I get it. Tough conversations aren’t fun. They’re awkward. They’re emotionally loaded. But here’s the truth:
Avoiding a conversation doesn’t make the problem disappear—it buries it deeper.
Let’s Talk About What This Avoidance Really Costs
The numbers are pretty staggering:
69% of managers say they’re uncomfortable communicating with employees, especially when it involves feedback (Harris Poll).
A study from Bravely found that 70% of employees avoid difficult conversations with their managers, often because they fear retaliation.
VitalSmarts reported that each avoided crucial conversation costs a company an average of $7,500—in lost time, poor decisions, and unresolved issues.
And get this: U.S. businesses lose an estimated $359 billion a year due to unresolved workplace conflict (CPP Inc.).
Read that again. BILLIONS, simply because we aren’t talking to each other.
Why We Avoid These Conversations
It’s not because we don’t care. In fact, it’s usually the opposite.
Leaders fear:
Saying the wrong thing
Triggering an emotional reaction
Damaging a relationship
Not being “trained” on how to handle it
Making the situation worse
So instead of leading through the discomfort, we justify staying quiet. But here’s what I tell every leader I coach:
Silence is not leadership. It’s self-preservation. And that comes at a cost.
A Framework I Use with Leaders: The C.A.R.E. Method
When I work with stuck leaders, I walk them through something simple and powerful—the C.A.R.E. Framework. It gives them a roadmap for tough coaching conversations without losing the human element.
Here’s how it works:
C – Clarify the Concern
Start with what you’ve noticed—specific behavior, not character judgment.
"I’ve noticed you’ve missed the last three deadlines on our team deliverables. I want to check in on what’s going on."
A – Ask for Their Perspective
Invite dialogue. Don’t assume you know the whole story.
"How do you see it? Is there something getting in the way I might not know about?"
R – Realign Expectations
Remind them what good looks like and why it matters.
"Let’s realign on what the standard is and what we need from you moving forward."
E – Empower Next Steps
This is where you co-create the plan. Support them, but hold the line.
"What do you need to succeed here—and what’s one thing you’ll do differently starting now?"
Final Thoughts
If you’re in leadership, let me challenge you: What conversation are you avoiding right now?
Because I promise you, whatever you’re tolerating, your team is experiencing. And they’re watching to see what you’ll do about it.
Tough conversations don’t ruin relationships. When handled with respect and clarity, they strengthen them. They build trust. They create alignment. They reinforce a culture of accountability.
If your leaders aren’t having these conversations, your culture isn’t growing—it’s just surviving.
I help leaders learn how to lead these moments—not run from them.
If your team needs support developing stronger, more accountable leadership communication, let’s talk.